First post! Hehe. So, I am going to lay down the law here. I'm starting this blog in the desolate state of Kansas. I have never done an official weight loss blog, and have tried to keep a running blog. Here's to hoping this blog will help me stay motivated, because I am sick and tired of being fat. I haven't weighed myself in a while, but around November-ish or so I was roughly 186 lbs. I'm around 5'2". I suppose I should also mention I'm a girl. Here's how it happened: I was one of those kids who could eat anything and never gain any weight. I ran around outside, literally all day. I played all sorts of games, I definitely did not have a sedentary childhood. Then, when I was maybe seven or eight my awesome mom got me a Gameboy Advance and my very first Pokemon game (because I'ma nerd). I started to spend more time indoors, but I did not really gain any weight. My mom was--and still is--notorious for cooking a huge amount of food and it was very easy to overeat when the food is homemade and there's just so much of this delicious stuff. I'm talking homemade from scratch chocolate cake you'd sell your soul for, cheesecake, rich stroganoff, lasagna, pretty much anything. Still, I didn't really start gaining a whole lot of weight, at least not in my memory. I suppose I put on a few pounds as I approached middle school--who isn't insecure about their bodies? Especially when all of the other girls were scary thin and I felt like a blimp next to them. Still, I wasn't that big. Maybe 130 if I had to guess, at 12 or 13. Meanwhile girls are complaining that they are 120 or less. I spent a lot of my middle school years wanting to smack people (but never did, for the record). I had some bad stuff happen to me in my 7th grade year, and I started comfort eating more, and stopped playing outside as much, but I wasn't huge by any means. A little chunkier compared to the toothpicks I went to school with, sure. My weight slowly climbed in my freshman year of high school. I was maybe 140 or 150 around my sophomore year, and became majorly depressed due to a lot of issues I had going on in my life. I was put on antidepressants, and BAM my weight skyrocketed to almost 200 lbs. 198 was the highest I have ever been, I believe. I turned into an eating machine. It was pretty bad, I'll admit it. I was hungry all the time. So my senior year rolls around and I decide to go off of my meds, and my appetite just disappeared. It became very difficult to not starve just by accident--I was absolutely not hungry at all. I had an after school job at a Subway and was hard-pressed to eat a six inch sub...all day. I would not eat at school, and then barely be able to force down a six inch subway sandwich. I started to make myself eat some more, and I suppose my weight has dropped some. I started Cross Country my senior year in an effort to really stick with running, but pushing my almost 200 pound body to run 2 miles after a summer of no running gave me a nice set of shin splints that took months to heal--XC ended in October, and it was April and I was still unable to walk down some stairs without pain, and I had stopped running when XC ended. I really do love to run....once I do it a few times and get back into the rythm. My body had already started to change in my couple of months forcing myself to barely shuffle through a mile or so. My pants were looser, my calves were awesome, you could tell I was losing fat. But, like I said, I stopped the running to let my body heal. Since then I've tried to get back into it, however I'm finding out that I have very poor self-motivation--if I'm involved in a group that holds me accountable, I'll show up. If not, I talk myself out of it after a couple of weeks. So that's sort of my history. Now, most people would say they are going to start off eating healthy food and stuff. No fast food, ect. I would love to do that. Unfortunately, I can't. Not right now, at least. I'm flat broke. I hold down two jobs, a part time job at McDonalds, and full time at Taco Bell, and I can barely afford for my apartment and bills. Fast food is not paying me enough to survive. I have food stamps just so I can have food in my house, but I am only getting $70 a month. And lets face it, healthy stuff is more expensive than cheap food that is crap for you. For example: I would love to get organic eggs. They taste better. But they are ridiculously expensive. So I have to go for the super cheap, hormone loaded eggs. I would love to get veggies and fruits and all that, but everything is so expensive. I'm somewhat limited in food choices. Most of my food, sadly, comes from my jobs. Of course, I've come to realize that there are still healthier choices than the burger and fries route, like a salad and yogurt, and hopefully I can take that option. Another thing that limits me food wise: I don't have a car. It's sad, but just about the only ones who work fast food that can afford a car are the managers. 99% of the other workers get rides from friends, or, if you're me, walk to work. It is exercise, but it kind of limits trips to the Wal-mart to get a cartful of food to put in your car and drive home. However, I am done making excuses. I may not have the best of situations, but I'm going to try and make the best out of it. If I have to (and sadly I do) live off of fast food, I'll at least try and choose the healthiest items like a salad and water. Here's to hoping this blog will keep me on track. I'm sick and tired of looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my fat face, fat body, huge hips and even bigger ass. I want to be one of those skinny girls, but more than that, I want to be healthy. If being healthy means being "thick" or at least not being a toothpick, I'm good with that. I'm tired of freaking out whenever my friend tries to pick me up and moving so they won't, because I'm afraid of what they will think, or worse, that they won't be able to pick me up. I don't like that. I've let this go for too long. I will try and post daily, but no guarantees with the whole two jobs deal. I will also be posting a before picture or two of myself (-gulp). At least it will be a before picture. Alright, I've rambled long enough. Good night random internet people I will never know or meet. Signing off.